Ugly people

I look around and I see ugly faces staring back at me. They make me sick to the stomach.
Faces that lie.

Faces that cheat.

Faces that steal.

Faces that spout hurtful remarks.

Faces that never stop to think.

We are all of us, ugly people. We have grown content with our dissatisfaction, sitting aimlessly in the filth that has accumulated over the years. We strive to be beautiful. We strive to appear seamless and in control. But we are all rotting on the inside. Our black hearts hiding themselves in any way they can. None of us are pure, non of us are enlightened. We shy away from the truth, either lacking in understanding or refusing to accept the reality that surrounds us. I try, God knows I try to find a solution to the eternal corruption I witness day to day, but there is none. Perhaps I should simply give in to my desires, and live without the burden of humanity on my shoulders. There are so many mistakes I have made I cannot even begin to list them. I am the ugliest person of all. I don't belong here.

I don't belong here.

Sick

I am a sick being. Living in a sick world. A grotesque world. We are nothing but children in the eyes of God. How will you be judged? We fight and hate and scheme oblivious to our own rot. Our own false sense of pride and dignity. Our subjective and flawed moralities. Sitting idly in the filth of our own creation we watch the world pass us by. Some will notice and despair, but even then they will do nothing. Our lives are but tear drops in the ocean. Our minds nothing but the product of our desires.

I am numb.

Removed.

A stranger in a strange land. And I have been corrupted by the toxic world that surrounds me. Do not be angry. Do not weep. Simply accept it. You are sick too.

A few feelings

I want to start today by saying how sorry I am for how I've been to you. God knows I could have been a better friend. We've shared times that I cherish, but there are not nearly as many memories I would like. I've been mean. And I've been condescending. I didn't give you the respect you deserved because of that evil little part of me who always wanted to be better than you. But he's gone now. Though it probably doesn't seem like much to you, or anyone else, our friendship does mean a lot to me. I've been doing some thinking lately, and I seem to have achieved a far more balanced state within myself. I think it's helping. It's helping me write this anyway. So now, as we begin to move on, and our paths begin to stray I begin to wonder what will come of us. It took me almost all of our two years together to truly decipher who I am, and now, as it all draws to a close, I don't really want any of it to change. I like to think that we will stay friends. That maybe we can chill a few times a year, me visiting you and you visiting me from time to time. But who knows really? I wouldn't ever want to make you promise. And I wouldn't want you to make me. So along side my apology, all that is left to say is thank you. Thank you for being there when I needed to talk. Thank you for letting me in, and letting me help you from time to time. Thank you for all the little ways you have impacted me and the world around us. With all honesty, I do hope we stay close in the years to come. Have a good life lld. I know you'll make it shine.

One

We are all born for greatness. This is a sentiment that I have often been taught as a universal truth, that everyone is capable of leading some kind of amazing life. But is this really the truth? Only a gifted few within each generations are truly born with the means to accomplish their life's ambition to a grand conclusion. The rest of us simply work with what we have. For as long as I can remember, I've always wanted to do something big. Something great, something world changing. When I was young whilst other children chased their high school sweet hearts I struggled to understand what these ideals were that were forming in my head. I saw the world through my innocent eyes and I saw that it was filled with such unseen beauty. I wondered what was wrong with man, that he may live happily in the full knowledge that by his every action he desecrates that planet which he calls his home. I had such powerful dreams, such visions for the future, but like many dreams of youth they began to fade. I allowed my ideals to laps, corrupted by rampant materialism and greed my beliefs became poisoned and deformed. I was discovering my humanity. My toxic capacity to ignore the truths around me and fool myself into living a simpler and less worrisome life. I found that like everyone else, I too could become bogged down in the monotony of life. Beliefs became complicated. I've done things I would never would have wanted to do. I've run away from problems I've had. I've denied who I am to myself in order to be who I thought I should be. But now, once again I can see clearly, and I know what I must do to return to my path. Like my mind and body my ideals have also matured. Some believe me to be ignorant, my eyes shrouded to the true ways of the world and perhaps that is the case. Yet despite these aspersions I continue to define myself more and more by what I believe I am capable of achieving. I forever dream of the future that is yet to come. For that elusive light that still escapes my grasp. I do not think greatness is a quality bestowed upon all men. I believe all men hold the potential to be great. This does not mean you must be born a genius. Greatness does not require a tertiary education. Our greatness extends from our actions, our compassion, our acceptance of our own vulnerability. And I accept fully that I am not a perfect person. Like everyone, I will always have times that I shall fail. But it is the constant strive to better one's self in the face of failure that makes one great. It is the ability to act with courage and strength in the face of fear. And this, all people are capable of. All but the unnatural. After years of searching, I am finally one with myself. And I have never felt better.

Utopia

For as long as we have been able to grasp the concept of perfection, we have sought a perfect world. A world without war, hunger or the downfalls of man. We dream of a utopia, and as such we endlessly strive for perfection. This endeavour can easily come to consume our lives if we let it, as we try to attain the perfect body, the perfect partner, the perfect relationship, the perfect job, the perfect house, the perfect life. Our eyes focussed wholly on the perfection that awaits us at our destination. Yet we never reach it, for you see, perfection is subjective, not qualitative. There is no one idea of perfection shared by humanity. And thus as a whole there is no way we can ever build a perfect society. We will always find errors and faults the actions of others, and there will always be faults in our actions too. Truly the deeper meaning that we seek embedded within this search for perfection lies within our imperfections. Paradoxically we seek to find ways to rid ourselves of these minuscule blemishes when in fact it is them who make us who we really are. Surely then it can be seen that our key to greatness lies not in the ridding of our imperfections but in our accepting of them. In ourselves and others. We must Acknowledge other's downfalls and love them despite their faults, not try to change them into someone who they simple are not. We must accept ourselves for who we are and not try to change to fit a fake image that advertising presents to us. Only then will we reach our utopia. A world devoid of perfection but populated with understanding and compassion. A world where hate does not breed hate but where instead those who hate are surrounded by those who care and are willing to be the first to extend the hand of peace. A world where one's first reaction is not to hurt but to question why you feel the need to hurt those around you. As soon as we acknowledge our imperfections we can begin to learn to live with them. As soon as we acknowledge other's imperfections we can begin to understand why the act the way they do. We must be willing to accept the reality around us without fear of judgement or retaliation, for it is only then that we can begin to examine who we are, and not who we want to be, or are told to be. But who we truly are. So make a difference today. Tell someone close that you accept them for who they are, imperfections and all, no matter how much they may enrage you sometimes. Remember they have to deal with your imperfections too. Most importantly, accept yourself for who you truly are, and don't be afraid to broadcast that person to the world. And never be afraid when something goes wrong. If you've been hurt. If you've hurt someone. It proves only that you are human.

Changes

So today was a good day, for many reasons. I realised that I haven't been being true to myself lately. Instead of acting like who I am, I've been acting like who I think I should be. This was causing me some trouble. I had begun pursuing things that I did not need, or even at times did not want, simply because I felt that I should in order to maintain my image. Since when has that ever mattered to me? Image? These feelings and anxieties had been brewing for a while and really needed to be worked out. So I decided it was time to tackle this, and I took the day off. I didn't do any of the work I should have, but for the first time in a long time, I really got back in touch with who I am, and what I want out of life. I took a good long walk, listened to some of my favourite tunes, and just sat out in the sun, soaking up the beauty of the day. It was glorious. Once again I felt whole, with not only a purpose but a means to attaining it. I spent a lot of time with my family which brought back beloved memories of childhood, as well as reminding me that they're always there no matter the situation. It's easy to forget that at the best of times, and considering I've been off doing my own thing a lot the last month or so I really did need a good reminder. I think the best thing today however was that as well as having a big think about purpose and meaning and all that jazz, I also had a good think about relationships. Now for a while, I've wanted a relationship, not with anyone in particular, I just thought it would be nice. There were a few people I had been thinking about, but none of them I really particularly liked, however I kept chasing. In the end though it just didn't feel right. It just wasn't me. When the time comes, it'll come, but until then I am perfectly happy with my love life at the moment. I really am. So overall, it was a great weekend. A little sleep deficit but I got to see a lot of my mates, hit the clubs, spend time with the family, and work a whole heap of stuff out. I must say I really do enjoy a good cathartic blog post. Now I think it is time for sleep. It's going to be a big week, I just know it. Sweet dreams lovelies.

Stolen words

It's been a long time since my last post, and a lot has been going on. I have a lot to think about right now, and no doubt that shows in the post. It's not like me, but it has to be said. It really has to be said. I am nothing but stolen words. Ideals and values procured from the facets of history, and the pages of the novels that I devour. My dreams of grandeur nothing more than romanticised expectations of what is to come. I have no real purpose. My dreams are simply suggestions that have ingrained in my small mind over the years. Stolen words. A copy, of a copy, of a copy. I wake, I eat, I work, I sleep. That is all. I feel I have lived this life a million times. That everyday is the same, and every day I feel slightly more unsettled by the drab predictability of the world that surrounds me. War. Hunger. Poverty. The monotony will never end. Stolen words. Deja vu all over again. We dreamt of being kings. We dreamt of glory, of honour and of love. But day by day we grow older, and day by day memories of boyhood dwindle, carried off by the wind. I say my life is what I make of it. I say I make my own luck. All of them, stolen words. What I would give to live free of the ever constricting grip that tightens like an anaconda around my me. I envy you brothers and sisters. Sometimes I truly do. The world is changing. Morphing into a hideous being beyond recognition. And I weep for it. I weep for us all. If only we were more than stolen words. I have failed myself. I have become all of which I once sought to destroy and despoil. My life has changed, and there is no way to return to what once was. There never is. I've hurt some people overtime, and I'm sorry. You've brought me close to the brink, but don't ever think that I'm going to give up.

I went to sleep and I woke up dead,
But I changed my mind and I want to live.

Balance

It's taken me a while to start writing tonight. I was going to write about how hard it is to write, but thats been done more times than I've had hot dinners. I was going to write about soap, but it really isn't that interesting. Sometimes it's nicer just to sit and think for a while. I've been putting a lot of pressure on myself lately, and though it is needed to ensure that I get everything done before deadlines it is taking a bit of a toll. So maybe I need to take a bit of pressure off. I'm felt like that with a lot of things lately. It's always hard to find the right balance. Am I exercising enough or not enough? Am I putting in the right amount of school work? Do I give as much love to those around me as they deserve? It's been really chewing up a lot of brain space. I guess I'm just going to have to keep slogging away with everything and work where work is needed, that's worked in the past anyway, but it would still be nice to know every once in a while whether I'm doing something right you know? I haven't done any work all afternoon and I don't know whether this is what I need right now, or whether I'm just being lazy. Maybe I'll just immerse myself in a book. That usually warms up the coals. At the end of the day you have to be able to live with the choices that you make, but who's to say they were the right ones? I've been taking up a lot of head space thinking lately. But that's not for here. Apologies for the poor quality tonight, I'm just a little worn out. Have a nice night lovelies.

Snap shots

So I've been blogging every night lately, and it's actually been really nice. Too often whenever I think about blogging it seems like a chore, but lately it seems like just what I've been needing. There's nothing better after a long, confusing and at times heartbreaking day than to sit down and poor out all my thoughts onto the screen, and send them away into the ether. Don't let that make you think I don't have good days. I often do. I've been writing a lot of essays and presentations this week and I think that's what set off this new trend. How ever it started, i am liking it. When I write, and this isn't just blogging, I feel freed. I have my own little world in front of me to mold and shape as I see fit. You have the power to breathe life into your creations and watch them grow and mature. When I write I can be who ever I want to be. I'm no longer constrained to the person I have become. I can witness sights that I have never before seen, and I can learn the truth. Little by little, I learn the true nature of things. When I read its just the same. For just such a short, short time I can get a glimpse into the life of another. For an instant we are bound by and unbreakable bond, our beings interwoven and the difference between us no longer recognizable. Such brilliance. Never underestimate the power of words. No graphic depiction can portray Gatsby's hopeless dream, Huck's moral conflict, Stanley's desire, Ralph's desperate struggle to fight the innate evil that haunts mans every step or Tyler's vision. No action can capture the rage, depression and delirious joy that I feel as I walk through this life. Only the beauty of language. Like a flower after the springtime rain it holds a paradoxically indescribable beauty. Droplets of water shimmering in the early morning light as a velvet warmth covers the landscape. Colours so exquisite all else pales in comparison. That is what my books give to me. I stand but on the tip of an iceberg and the edge of a great ravine. I have not even began to walk the path, yet still, they give me hope, and they give me strength.

a little spark

So today I failed at maths. Really badly. And it would be all too easy to have a long rant and depress everyone with my thoughts of failure, but that wouldn't be treating this blog with the tenderness it deserves, so let's try and make something out of it. I'm writing an essay on 'A streetcar named desire' in English at the moment, and I must say I'm feeling a little like Blanche, her constant fight between fantasy and reality, the conflict between her high ideals and brutal desire. In a harsh and unforgiving world should we do nothing more than act like animals, or fight against the tide and risk loosing everything we have? I've always liked to think that I was a fighter, but maybe I'm just as close to my instincts as everyone else. I am guilty of all the deadly sins, just like all those I see around me everyday. Is it not enough to want to be better? I need strength right now, but its always so hard to know whether your belief in your self will be enough. It's nights like these that I can never sleep, and I just lay on my bed staring out my window into the night sky. The stars hold such old beauty. Even the lone streetlight barely illuminating the footpath with its incandescent glow gains a kind of garish charm in the dark. There is silence all around save from the occasional dog parking or car driving by. I often wonder how many others are doing the same as me in that moment, and I never feel alone. Countless brothers and sisters, not even aware of each others existence. Then, slowly, a little spark of hope creeps into my veins. It's not much, but its enough. Enough to keep me going for another night. I may be delusional, but who's to say I can't dream? I may never fully master my emotions, but then who does? You always have to try right? That's what I believe anyway. It may seem impossible. The significance of your actions may be so minuscule that you needn't have tried in the first place. But you'll never know until you take the first step. In this dark march towards whatever it is we're approaching.... Don't - Don't hang back with the brutes.

The Symphony of the Rain

Don't you just love those rainy afternoons, where you could just sit for hours watching the rain fall? It's like being on a different planet, totally isolated from all the stresses, evils and horrors of the world. Nothing but you and the rain. It seems like all too often these days we loose ourselves in matters of trivial importance: obsessing over marks, trying to reach peak physical condition, trying to find the perfect partner, and trying to lead the perfect life. But none of it matters really. There are very few things that we really need. I need to eat, drink and sleep. I need to keep warm. I need my friends and family. I need to fly. That's it. I don't need to get 100% on an essay. I don't really need to care what other people think about how I live my life. Why do we sit in distress when we are surrounded by such unparalleled beauty? Art, literature, science. The world sings to me. And I am filled with warmth, and hope. The hope that I will never forget the beauty that surrounds me. She sings to us, and I hear every note. Call me daft. Call me blind to the truth. The only one you are deceiving is yourself. Look down deep inside the very fabric of your being and ask yourself if you are really so sure about things. Really. For the meantime I'll just remain in my bubble, looking out onto the moonscape that surrounds me, listening to the symphony of the rain.

harder better faster stronger

Sometimes everything's just really hard. It's so hard to get that perfect balance going in life. I need to put in some more work into school to be able to get the grades I need, but that means I have to sacrifice a lot of other stuff as well. Next week I have three in class essays, twelve hours of writing. Two weeks after that I have three oral presentations, forty-five to sixty minutes of talking. Then three weeks after that I have three exams. Seems three's my lucky number this term. I'm pretty nervous at the moment, but I usually manage to pull through. I feel bad about all my friends. I never see you guys anymore. Don't ever think that if we don't hang out its because I've forgotten you, or that I hate you, or any of that business. It's just me trying to work things out and get my balance right. It's not like its going to get any better next year either though, which always gets me a little down. But it just makes me value all the time I get with you all the more. There is so much I would never have been able to do without you. Honestly, I need you, and I love you guys, really, I do. Getting fit and keeping fit is a constant challenge. Some nights I feel I just don't have the energy to go the gym for the day or maybe I've just got that much stuff to do I don't really have the time. So much to do and so little time to do it. I do enjoy running in the mornings, though on days like today running in -7 degrees isn't the nicest thing. There are moments where I feel like its all too much. It all builds up, and I feel an overwhelming sense of hopelessness. At those times, I want nothing more than to turn and walk away. Just walk. And walk. And walk. Until my problems are far from sight. Those moments make me question who I am, why I am, and the rights that I believe I possess in this vastly, vastly empty universe of ours. But then I think. I try to remember what I'm doing this for, and it all floods back in. And though it may seem foolish or shallow or impossible to relate to, there is nothing on this world like being up in the air, by myself and free. To literally touch the sky. I feel more at home that in any other place on Earth. And that spark, that eternal flame of hope is what burns on through the darkest and coldest nights. It is what drives me to change that which others have determined impossible of change, to believe in the promise of youth, and it is what helps me in those darkest moments to believe in myself. And every now and then I'm lucky enough to catch but a glimpse of my dreams embodying reality. I'm slowly stripping back my possessions until they all fit in my suitcase. My glorious, glorious suitcase. But thats beside the point. I see images, and read stories every day that bring me to within an inch of loosing my faith. But still it remains, for I could not live without it. Though my faults are many I have been gifted with purpose, and conviction. And that is enough. I just had to get some of that stuff out, it's been brewing around for a while.

Obscenity

I feel like day by day, I'm losing a little part of me. There are so many endeavors I wish to pursue, so many dreams I want to live and fulfill, but in the end how many of them will actually happen? Slowly branches are pruned from my character, and it frightens me. My mother didn't raise me a killer. Is it so hard to chase my dreams whilst simultaneously appreciating art, literature and the simple beauty of our world? Seemingly it is so. I'm not even worthy of the life that I live. I am gifted with everything a boy could need to make a life for himself, but still I sit here in the dark of my room, typing into the deep chasm of the internet as my mind and muscles rot away. I am not nearly as clever as I used to be. I am not nearly as strong as I used to be. I am not nearly as fast as I used to be. I have become a slave to gluttony and sloth, lazing comfortably as ideals blow away on the breeze. What ever happened to the boy who wanted to save people and make the world a better place? People seem to hold the opinion that by disregarding these sentiments I have matured by I fear I have simply become lax in my duties. I'm sick of this repugnant and obscene way of life. There are times I long for a simpler life. To not feel the burden of hope but to simply be happy to settle with a lovely woman and lead an uneventful but happy life. But it will always be there. The voice in my head, knowing that I will have never extended my reach far enough. That I will never have achieved my potential. The voice that knows of the monster within. I am nothing more than deformed and deluded. I have become that which I swore to always fight. My feet are bound with shackles, my hands cuffed before me. I am led slowly, yet surely, to the gallows. I taught the hangman how to tie the noose, he cannot look me in the eye as he puts the coarse rope around my neck. Time slows as I fall through the air, my waisted youth flashing before my eyes. Then, black eternal. I wish for nothing more than answers. Though those I seek I know I shall not find. All I see is how bloated and corrupted I have become. I used to be a boy of many talents. Now I have few. I never did things like the other kids did, and I hate myself for it. Time is marching forever forward, and I grow older day by day. I must find sanctuary from this torment, or surely it will be the end of me.

Step up to the plate

Assessments finished and my mind is clear. Time hit this, and hit it hard. Nothings going to stand in my way. You try to hold me back and I will unleash hell on your candy ass. Let's do it.

:3

I see you walking with a beautiful grace a world conquering smile upon your face. It isn't love, but every time I kind of wish it was.

Captivity

Do you ever feel like you're out of place? Like you should be somewhere far away from all the evil in the world. Do you ever feel like you don't belong among the thieves and liars? That somewhere, there is someone who will understand you, a place to which you truly belong. Or do you think it's just the inability to cope with a harsh reality? Your fragile mind rejecting the fact that for every massacre we hear of, hundreds more go unheard. Sometimes I feel so sad. I want nothing more than to cry and cry, but the tears won't come out. I feel alien and emotionless, looking through the glass into a whole other world. People are crying over the endless the tragedies to the meaningless details, and I simply stand and stare. My hands pressed against the cold glass I long for a connection, to feel what they feel, to bear myself so rawly as they cry to the heavens. But still I am void. Broken and useless, I can do nothing but gaze in and dream of a life I never led. I've tried time and time again to break through the glass, but I am too weak.

I've always been too weak.

Endless messages and sentiments from my childhood pour into my mind. Glorious memories of the past tarnished by time. The innocent belief that one can truly understand another. That people without rule or restraint can still be kind. So on and so forth. A little part of me clings so desperately to these ancient feelings. Like photos faded by time they hold an indescribable power to look deep into your heart. I feel so wrong and backward. Most eighteen year old boys are out drinking, having sex, feeling invincible. I, honestly, do not see the attraction. I enjoy spending time with my friends, and potentially a drink may make things a bit more fun every now and then, but drinking for the sake of drinking is nothing short of a desperate escape. And as for sex, I simply do not see the appeal. Say what you will. I just want a brighter future. Something so that when I look back through time I can smile, and say 'yeah, I was a part of that'. I've tried a few times, but as always, I'm too weak.

I'll always be too weak.

I wish I was ignorant. I wish I could wake up everyday and be satisfied with the mundane. Not have to put on a mask in order to keep people happy. Not have to be aware of how utterly fucked the world is. Not have to feel the constant pressure of expectation. Simply to be satisfied with my potential and make nothing of it. In my dreams I am a super hero. I can make a difference. I can have it all. But of course, it is only a dream. It's no wonder that I'm not your preference. I know the truth. I'm not as stupid as I wish I was. But you know I still need you. Perhaps I was simply made not to feel. Born into captivity.

Maybe one day I'll be stronger.

The green light

So despite being sick, and being surrounded by the mess I've turned my room into, I'm starting to feel pretty good again. There have been a few things that have been causing me a bit of grief lately, but things are starting to seem a little bit clearer. I feeling a lot more of a need to blog honestly, as this is what I have this thing for. To get my thoughts out there and make sense of them. So there'll probably be a bit less cryptic nonsense. If anyone gets offended by various things, sorry but it's how I feel. Few people read it anyway.

First of all, I've been putting a lot of pressure on myself to achieve highly at school. Every piece of work has to be my best work and needless to say this has been causing a decent bit of stress. I think that if I really REALLY try hard, I could potentially top a good number of my classes, and if I don't I always feel as if I'm wasting my potential. I've always been a bit over achieving in this regard. However, now I'm happy to have a bit of a chill. I'm still aiming high, but lets face it, I'm never going to get to the top if all I do is worry about it and let it eat away at me. I can put the effort it, and if I don't like what I get I just do better next time. No more stressing, I'm moving forward.

Another factor thats been getting to me a little is relationships. My god, I always make such a big deal out of these things. For those of you that don't know, I've essentially been set up with Toria's friend Gabie a few times, and I kind of like her. Not entirely sure, but that's where the road is headed. She's pretty, nice and we have a decent amount in common. Not possessing the supremely high emotional intelligence I would like however, I find it hard to gauge how she feels about me. I'm getting a few vibes, but yeah, I find it difficult to know what to do next, and in typical David fashion, I obsess about it. There's that perfectionist streak again. Question's frequently bounce around in my head such as: when do I text her next? When should I ask her out? Am I able to actually keep something like this rolling? When am I able to do stuff during the week? What could I cut back to make time for this? I get way to serious. I don't even know the girl properly yet. Ye gods. I'm trying to take a bit of a different approach however, to optimize my wellbeing, and it seems to be working. More on that as it unfolds I guess.

I've also been thinking a lot about my relationships with my friends as well, not just the romantic side of things, and I've come to a few realizations. Joel exempt, I don't really have anyone who understands me wholly. Many whom I'm able to talk to about about the philosophical side of life I'm unable to talk to about my career aspirations and future plans, and visa versa. This makes things a little hard sometimes when trying to convey ideas that involve both ends of the spectrum. An example of this was the other day. I was involved with hannah's (and gen's/jess's? i don't know) media assignment, and it was all well and good. The only thing I'd really wanted to that day was go to skyfire at 6, to see the Hornet do a fly over. That was the only thing. Inevitably, it didn't happen. I'm not that cut about it, but it was more the 'meh' attitude of everyone that got to me. As Nathan said 'it's just a plane'. To you it may just be a plane, but to me it's way more that that, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to explain that to you guys. This also led me to contemplate whether I will ever be able to appreciate your life's passion as much as you will. So yeah, doing a lot of thinking in that direction.

As always I'm still thinking about defence. My officer selection board is in the first week of the holidays, and time seems to be going faster and faster as the weeks clock over. I'm not worried though, I have a plan and I'm pretty sure it'll come off fine. Not much more to say about that.

And then, at the end of the day I'm left thinking that while I sit here and try to make sense out of every little thing that happens in my life, horrible things are still happening. Any good I try to equals nothing in the grand scheme of things.

But you never know what could happen. After all this tomfoolery, I guess it boils down to this.

I believe in the green light.

Drivel

Sometimes I wonder about the way i view the world and what I expect from it. I think a lot of the time I'm expecting way too much. Right now all I want to do is fly planes for the rest of my life. To be up in the sky, completely focused. The Zen master. Obviously, there are a few steps to get there and even if i do get there i'll still have to deal with a load of other stuff anyways. I mean i can't be in the air 100% of the time. It might just be all the stuff with school thats making this a hard choice as well, though school ends in months and by then I'll have bigger fish to fry. I still think school is getting in the way. 6 classes and src takes its toll and I have to expect the energy to come from somewhere. Especially if i want to stay fit. Right now I'd have to admit its not looking great, but I'd really love that to turn around. Though I'd probably have problems with my expectations again. The ones I need are gone. The ones I want are gone. I don't want to talk to whats left. I doubt they could understand no matter how hard they tried. Not that they're bad. Its just hard to explain sometimes you know? My brain and my body are telling me two different things at the moment, and I'm not entirely sure which one to trust. Honest to god I feel so dumb sometimes. So goddam dumb. I just can't seem to figure my shit out half the time. Get it together David. I think i'll just sit with how things are at the moment. Potentially for the best. Though by that reason potentially for the worst as well. Remain chipper. Don't make your move. You have nothing to rush right now. It gets damn boring sometimes though. Oh well. I'll live. I'll always live.

exploitations

What do you do when you are aware of every exploitation that has made you what you are? Every little pair of hands that made your clothes, every smog belching factory that gave you your plastics, every life that was lost for your indulgences. Countless lives wasted on a label. Species made extinct for your art deco house. Every joy we have is because of another's inconsolable sorrow. Deep down, I hate my festering core. I hate myself for everything that I am, and you should to.

Agents of Death

We think because we fight for our country that our cause is just; that because we wear our uniform with pride, we will die an honourable death; we think we can justify the killing. The truth is we are agents of death. Paid to kill, and then to go home and love our families. We cannot justify the loss of life. We simply numb over time.

"Battle not with monsters, lest you become a monster, and if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gases also into you"

- Friedrich Nietzsche

Mother dearest

How do I even start this one? So much to say. You've been there for me since day one, never letting me fall. Kindling my dreams unlike so many who tried to rub them in the dirt. You have taught me so much about myself and the world. No matter how I try, I don't think I'll ever be able to give you the love, affection, attention and hugs you deserve. I guess most of all, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for all the talks we've had. For all the secrets I've confided with you. For all the hugs you've given me. For all the times you've believed in me. For all the love you have bestowed upon me. You truly are a gentle and beautiful soul. Whenever my faith is broken, you help me build it right back up again, brick by brick. I know I can tell you anything, and I could never say how happy that makes me. Just sitting here deciding what to right makes my heart overflow with emotion. So many times we've shared that I wish we could share again. There are so many memories of things you've said to me, and morals you have instilled in me that have come to define my character. I don't know if I'll ever possess your kindness, compassion and empathy, but I swear I'll try. And despite a few things that may have happened along the way (including the occasional poisoning) don't think that I'll ever hold any of it against you, ever. You are my guiding light.

It's getting late, and I really should be getting to bed I know, but I just wanted to say that before the moment was gone. God knows there is so much more I would love to say, but that's for another time. I'll always be here for you.

I love you mum.

Faith

So today in some free time I had I decided to do some reading. Every Monday I have 45 minutes free from 2:15 to 3:00 and I have developed the comfortable habit of sitting in the common room and reading the Great Gatsby. Some of you may have read it, if not I highly recommend it. I do cherish my time I have to read it, as I rarely seem to find time at home to do so. Today while reading, a friend (or close enough to one) walks by. He walks up to me and asks me how i'm doing. I say I'm doing fine and am enjoying my reading. He says sweet. Not being the most truant lad I know, I had suspicions that he may have been skipping whatever class he was probably meant to be in. He said he was, it was maths.

Strike 1.

I implored him to return to class, though he seemed perfectly happy wasting his life away with no intellectual stimulation what so ever. As though determined to prove this point to me, he then struck up a conversation about the song he was currently listening to on his very new iphone 4. It was called "fuck shit stack". Initially I thought I had misheard him when he told me the title, so being intrigued as to what the song was actually about I agreed to listen and watch the video. I had heard right. I then preceded to sit through four and a half minutes of a man literally swearing to a beat. Total, nonsensical swearing. The chorus I believe was "Fuck and shit and fuck and shit, it's a fuck shit stack! A fuck shit stack!". He laughed merrily as I watched this grotesque and obscene piece of 'music', and I use the word lightly. I asked him if he genuinely found it funny. He said he thought it had a good beat, and was catchy.

Strike 2.

After the song had finished we then continued to have our non-conversation so he could waste time and avoid returning to class, if he had even gone in the first place. Thoroughly bored, offended and to an extent sickened. He talked to me about some other music he liked and I pretended to listen. It's not as if he even cares about my opinion on things anyway. A few minutes had passed when he then began to complain about how he could no longer remember his mothers credit card details. Hence, he could no longer steal money from her electronically to pay for music without her knowing. Stealing from your mother.

Strike 3.

At this point I became incensed. I may have appeared calm on the outside but there is nothing I wanted to do more than hold you up against that brick wall, and punch you time and time again yelling "you are the downfall of human society you pathetic goon!". I wanted to see you cower, and get some real perspective. See the fear in your eyes. My well of pity has run dry, and when I bear my full force down upon you cry for a god you barely ever thought existed. You obscene, empty, stealing piece of filth. If you ever talk to me again like that I will beat you senseless.

Thanks beachball, you almost broke my faith in people.

Torrents

A man sits upon the railing of a bridge, looking down into the water some eight metres below. The navy torrent moves with great force carrying branches, scrub and parts of the eroding bank. It swirls with a seemingly insatiable rage. A flash of lightning jags through the sky illuminating the dark clouds that blanket the valley. As the gentle rain begins to set in, a chill runs through the air, unusually cold for the time of year. The man rises from his seating, yet continues to gaze at the body of water snaking through the old riverbed. Memories fill the man's head of a life lived long ago. A family awaits him in a small hut, the glow of the fire within the cabin visible for miles. He remembers the touch of intimacy and how his heart had sung with those children in his arms. Now he had nothing. Whispering ghosts of a forgotten past. As the river became ever more violate he wondered if he would ever have the courage or conviction to jump. To join his family once more and be rid of his retched form. Sometimes there is not always a reason to live. Minutes pass, and still he is racked with an unshakable cowardice. Perhaps he will always be alone.

stronger

So right now life is pretty full. Most things pretty much fall under the categories of planning, exercising, or studying. This is why as of late blogging has been reduced to a minimum. Not out of any loathing for the task, it's simply just a matter of priority. So yeah, absence explained.

Usually whenever I'm getting fit/working towards a goal I find it really hard. My mind will ache. My body will ache. Though lately the tables have been turning.

I'll run so I feel I'm going to throw up. My legs are burning and are about to collapse under my weight. When I get back in the house I usually lie down for a few minutes just to start getting some air back into my lungs. But it feels so amazing. Every day, I'll lift, run and swim to try and push my body to its breaking point, but every day it rises ready for more. No matter how hard I thrash them, these bruised muscles won't let me down. My confidence is growing as is my ability. I'm getting faster, stronger, smarter, and I'm damn happy about it. Lets see how long it takes to hit breaking point.

My hatred of the facade

I am becoming tangled in a web of lies, secrets and deception. My mind begins to unfurl the bonds that have taken a lifetime to forge in questioning the truth. You know I am always here for you, but how can I help behind a closed door? All I want to do is help. Appearances are certainly not as they seem. The world around me is changing, rearing its ugly head. As the dull facade crumbles I am left staring into the eyes of a beast I wished never to confront. Everyone around is being torn piece by piece into oblivion and all I can think about is how hard it is for me. Sometimes the fire burning within is not bright enough to light the path. Brotherhoods forged in blood are shattered into a million pieces. I can handle the change, all I want is the truth. Is this really how it all will end? If needed, I can make the choice. A rage fills me that I have rarely felt and I hate what has become of us. I am so afraid, and you know it. Why do you sit there and watch me claw my way through the dark? Please, don't let it come to this. There is so much I want to say. To pour out endlessly to you, but I cannot. And I will not. How do people live like this from day to day? I need to end it. I need to be cleansed from my sins. I need to meet your gaze without guilt or contempt. God knows I'm trying

I'm fine people

I know I may complain from time to time my loneliness, but I rarely feel like that except every now and then in the night times. Yes, I crap on about how nice it would be to have someone by my side I could rely on and love and smooch and all that bullocks, but I'm not crying into my pillow all the time. Of course I'd take the chance if my "perfect" woman walked by me or got talkin to me, but for now I'm just not that into anyone. I'm not afraid, I'm not alone, I'm not searching for sex, I'm not in desperate need of love and attention. I'm doing just fine.

Superheros

We build such high ideals. Goals that are so impossible to meet. Will I ever be enough? No matter how hard I try I fall. Do I need to try harder, or is it time simply to give up? Even if I get there in the end I will never be remembered. Just another man forgotten in time, and we are just a spec in the bitter emptiness of space. Sometimes I feel we need a hero. Not a man who can lift cars, not an alien from another world, not a crazy billionaire. Just a man, just one good man. I'd like to think thats all it would take. But the truth is he'd be crushed like all those before him. The heroes go flash in the night, and the villains live on. Maybe sometimes it is better just to give up.

The animal within

Our time on this earth is so very, very short. Not only as an individual, but also as a species. But do we spend our time bettering ourselves, helping those around us, creating beautiful or amazing things, or finding our true friends? No. We war, we steal, we murder, we rape, we insult, we bully. Maybe in our modern society people feel obliged to be good citizens of the world, but deep down we're still animals. Our primal lusts still run strong. They still have their hold on us. Many people claim how they want to help, how they want to change the world, but they do nothing. They say it is too hard to change but, in fact, they are the ones incapable of change. If you want to make a difference, you must reject your basic instinct. Leave your lusts by the way side. Because until you finish with them, you will still be a slave to the animal within. It is our animal that wars. Our animal that steals, murders and rapes. People can explain our animal helping those around us, linking it back to when we were cavemen, but in a modern global community like ours I do not believe them. We are fully aware that millions of people die a day. Yet every now and then, we'll help an old guy across the street. What difference is that small act going to make in the scheme of things? Very little. But you still did it. All we need is a little perspective. Then maybe something will start to change.

Somewhere over that rainbow

I get called a few immasculine things from time to time. Corny, girly, wimpy and not manly enough among others. I guess I am a few of these things, but I feel no shame for it. It is simply who I am and I doubt that's going to change anytime soon. I like to believe its possible for the world to be a better place. Obviously nothing is ever going to be perfect, and it'll take a hell of a long time before things even tick over to good, but things don't always have to be so bad. I'm never quite sure if I'll ever manage to make a difference, but there are people out there who will if given the chance. Everyone doing their little bit matters. Take someone of opposing views of you out to lunch; have a talk, get to know them as a person. Have a bit of a walk outside your comfort zone. Push yourself. It only takes a little effort to make a change.

The song won't embed, but it's gorgeous.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1bFr2SWP1I&ob=av2em

Resolutions

So, there are only two weeks of holidays left. Looking back on my list of things to do I think I'm doing alright so far, but I'll evaluate that right at the finish. For now I think its time to start setting my goals for the rest of the year. Whenever I undertake something like this, I always feel a real internal struggle. There's the perfectionist in me who desires all my goals to be academically related, or at least to something with a scored value. There's also the dreamer who wants to unravel the mysteries of the universe, and look into the more spiritual side of life. Because of this, it can be hard to set out some hard goals, though I usually manage to find a good balance. And with that said, I guess that's what the theme for this year is going to be. Balance. Let's get to it.

School. Ah yes, the final year. The culmination of all we've been taught and all the skills we've learnt over the years. My goals for this year, regarding school are a bit varied, but being the nerd I am, I'll start with the academics. I would love to get an ATAR of 95+ and I think this is quite possible if I keep up the study this year. I'm hoping for 90's in history, english and flight, and 80's for physics and maths. If I manage to get all of that, I'm going to be pretty freakin happy. It's going to be a hard slog though, and no doubt my lunchtimes and afternoons will be filled with all kinds of lectures and extra little tid bits to keep me on my game. But hey, you gotta give a little to get a little. My second goal for school, which I must say I am a bit apprehensive and excited about is to get a few charities running. The two that I'm going for so far are 'Triangles for Truth' which is a student run organisation to help stop genocide, and the stem cell research foundation. With a few talks to teachers, and maybe an assembly speech I think these should be underway and in full swing a few weeks into the term, provided they gather sufficient student support. Oh well, just have to wait and see with that one.

Defence. The next big road block, or perhaps the biggest road block of all to extend the metaphor. This year two stages remain in my Defence application. My interview (on Tuesday) and my flight screening (probs around July). After that I simply need to wait for an offer from a service and apply for ADFA from the university end. Everything's going well so far and there hasn't been any major kerfuffles. All I need to do is keep up my academics, witty charm, and fitness (which gives me a nice lead in to my next topic).

Apparently one of the the most popular new years resolutions was to get fit this year. Though it wasn't my resolution (I'll get to that in a bit) getting fit is still a high priority. So far it's been going pretty well this month, I've got a decent routine worked out and though I stray here and there every now and then its working pretty well. I'm feeling better, and I'm finding the exercises easier, so thats a plus. All I need to do is keep it up for the year, and I should be fine. Not too much for to say for that really. So with the perfectionist now happy and my quantitative goals set, its time to give the dreamer a little bit of writing space and talk about my resolutions.
Last year was very different for me than any other year of schooling I'd had. I changed schools for the first time (which really wasn't a drama) and I got to meet a lot of new people. I learnt many things about people, the world, and most importantly myself. I had come to Tuggeranong a bratty teen, thinking I knew it all, but I couldn't have been more ignorant. I was brought from a closed off stale world into into a place budding with fresh ideas and concepts, and I loved it. It may seem as if I've changed a bit from who I was when I left Trinity, but I think its more I'm becoming who I've always wanted to be. And that draws me to my resolution. Last year I found out the kind of person I want to be. This year, I'm going to become the person I want to be. I want to have a purpose to every moment; whether it be studying, chillin with my friends or just doing nothing at all. It may be slow, but I'm going to be the best person I can be. And that's my goal. To be the person I wan to be, and to be the best I can be. Yes, as always its corny, but that's just me, and I'm damn proud of that (again with the corn). So congratulations if you managed to struggle through that, I'm surprised that you held out this long. If you didn't, its cool, I probably still love you.

Mish Mash

I often wonder about the future and how different it could be from the life I lead now. What kind of person will I be in ten, or even five years? Would I even recognize myself on the street? I think about what kind of place the world will be. Will it be that apocalyptic landscape of the 2030's we've all been raised with in action movies? Will the world even exist after 2012? (that last one was a joke, of course the world isn't going to end). But above all that I think more about the people I'll be with. I mean I get on easily with people and everything, but there aren't too many people who I often grow close with. In fact this year at college I'd way there was one, possibly a few others. I don't really see this as a downside, I'd rather be close with one person that still pretty distant with 10. But I digress. The point is, I don't particularly want to loose anyone I'm friends with now, but it's inevitable isn't it? How many guys do you see round with friends they've had since their early teens? Not too many. I know, it's possible, but it still makes you think. Everyone I've seen who goes to uni often forgets about many of the friends they had while they were in college. I mean, lets pray not, but by that time I may even be some meat head commando guy. Don't think this is going to make me distant at all from the friends I have now, if nothing else it will make my bond stronger to enjoy the time we have left together. And you all know I'd love more than anything never to let you go, but like the steady stream life moves on (pardon the corn). Maybe it would be smarter of me to keep my distances. Get a lot of friends who I'm willing to let go. But I just can't live like that. I need people I can love, people I can gossip with, people I can play fable with, people I can bitch with, people who I can talk shit with, people who I can cruise with, people I can man hug, people who I can just talk to with no strings, people I can share embarrassing stories with, people I can laugh with, people who I can sing, dance and cry with. My life is my friendships. I can't handle fakeness. Are we not defined by who we are in the eyes of others? One thing that makes me happy is that I have kept in contact with everyone who I love despite most of them being at different schools to me, and this heartens me greatly. Maybe I will still see you all in years to come. I'm feeling pretty chill now, about the future and all. Not stressin about my interview, the year, or even the next ten. Just being content with the moment and what I have now. Looking back on it, this has been a pretty mish mash post. None of that classic David originality (ha) but I'm pretty sure I've said all I wanted to say. Don't you love a good cathartic blog?

I would end with peace, but with me looking to join defence and what not it seems kind of hypocritical. I think a simple good night then will suffice. Night y'all.

One week

There is but one week until the next stage of my Defence application, and I'm feeling a little nervous. In times like these i usually like to talk to people, but seeing I have stuff i need to do and most people are still asleep at half nine I figure blogging should also do the trick. Also I've been tellin a lot of you I've been studying, so i figure i'll show you what i've had to study. So this time I'm doing the whole proper interview. I've passed all my maths tests and what not, so now I just need to be able to talk and remember stuff. Usually I'm alright at that, so it shouldn't be too bad. I have however, never had a for real job interview before so I'm not entirely sure what kind of environment its gonna be. My suits all ready to go, and all I need to complete the picture is the lovely longines that usually inhabits Joel's wrist. The only thing that has me a little worried is the stuff i need to remember. I got a packet of information stating the following:

1. Do I really want to be an airman?
2. Why do I want to be an airman?
3. Do I have the right achademic qualifications?
4. Do I know the role and can i cope with the responsibilites?
5. Do I know the training process?
6. How much do I know about military life in general?
7. How will my lifestyle be affected by joining Defence?
8. Do I understand the enlistment conditions of service?
9. What does my family think about my application?
10. Can I offer unrestricted service?
11. Where and how long is your initial military training (IMT)?
12. What will you learnt at officer training and what will your environment be like?
13. Where and how long is your initial employment training?
14. What type of equipment might you use?
15. How long will you enlist for?
16. Where are the military bases that you may be posted to after training?
17. What mustering/specialization will you belong to?
18. What are the main functions of the role you are applying for? how is the combat role related to this?
19. What are the potential operating environments for your job role?
20. What are the employment conditions for this job role - positive and negative?
21. What are the pay entitlements for IMT/IET and once fully qualified?
22. What is the ADF policy on non-medical use of drugs
23. What will service life be like?
24. What is the pre enlistment fitness assessment?

So yeah, there's a lot of stuff I have to know. It also states that these questions are the minimum standard of knowledge. eep. I've got a little work book that I've been writing down my information in to study and I think its working pretty well. Just so y'all know basically I'll be shuttin down for about a week until this is done, because i really want to nail it. Sorry if this was convoluted/pointless/hard to understand, but i am nervous, and as such my abilities suffer.

The nightmare man

He finds you when you're sleeping,

He rattles on the door.

He makes your nightmares real,

He'll make you plead for more.

No hole is small enough to hide,

Nowhere is left to run.

The nightmare man will find you,

beneath the midnight sun.

But don't despair my children,

He hasn't found you yet.

I stand forever vigilant,

For the devil's favorite pet.

But if he ever finds you,

When I am old and frail,

You must confront him face to face,

Tear off his darkened veil.

Only when he is no more,

Will your dark thoughts cease.

Until that day may come my love,

You must learn to love the beast.

Vulnerability

This pretty much just made my night. Y'all should watch. I've linked it, cause i'm yet to find out how to embed and what not haha.

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

for some reason, you can't see the link on the post, but i assure you its there. just mouse over it.

The sweet life

I've never broken a bone.

I've never failed a school report.

I have a car I don't have to pay for.

My family gets on reasonably well.

My parents don't fight too much.

I've got a good plan for my future.

I've got the most amazing set of friends.

My head's in the right place, generally.

Everything seems pretty damn swell.

What did I ever do to earn such a damn easy life? There are so many more people than me who could use a bit of slack, but no. I want to empathize, but how can I? I just want to help people. And I know this is one of those 'oh you have a great life, so i should pick holes in it, la di da' posts, but yeah. if you don't like it, don't read it

Oh, the times we'll have

We'll drive along the great ocean roads and marvel at the beauty that surrounds us. We'll spend balmy nights gazing into the starts, soaking in the very fabric of the universe. We'll cuddle up close on cold nights, safe in the reassurance that the other one will always be there when the going gets tough. We'll be able to have our alone time, and pursue our own interests without the other one getting all uppity. We'll have our fights every now and then, but its okay, really, because we know we'll always make up in the end. We'll have our romantic moments, however unconventional they may be. We'll always fight for what we believe. We'll strive to make the world a better place for our children, and one day, we might even make a small difference. But most of all we'll feel free. Free from the burdens of society. Free from everyone's expectations. Free from the sadness. Free from the pain. Free from the doubt.

I'd like that.

I'd like that a lot.

Take a Joke

Just a heads up, this one is a bit of a rage, so if you're looking for any deeper meaning there isn't any. Well done if you figure out who it is. But unlike joel's blog, there shall be no prizes.

So yeah, I've admitted it. What I did wasn't that great. It was kinda mean, but I have apologized, and there's only so many times I can do that with sincerity. I can understand you being pissed, but if you recall I have forgiven you for far worse. Time after time you'll have let me down, insulted those I love, made me do something I don't want to and even scolded me for not doing things your way. You take and take without giving anything back, until I am left and an emotionally empty husk. You want me to grow up? Why don't you at least get to my level first before I mature anymore. Yes, this is harsh, and you'll probably never read it, but you need to learn how to take a joke. Unfortunately, the world does not revolve around you and your little life. What's that? You have problems in your life? Well who the hell doesn't. It's how you cope with them that makes the difference. Maybe you were of more significance when my life was small, but my world has been opened up now with opportunities everywhere. And you want me to sit and play these little games with you? No thanks. There are far more important things in this world for me to fight for than our piece of shit friendship. I wonder who you'll run to to whine about this considering I'm too immature to talk to. I've said all I can. I don't care what else you want, I've done my best. The ball's in your court now. Come talk to me when you've learnt something about how life. Until then, I don't give a fuck.

Choices

Sometimes I wonder why it is that we must always seem to have to choose between one thing or the other. Instant gratification or being well off in the long run. The eternal struggle. But sometimes, in fact almost never is it it that easy. I don't even know one from the other anymore. Today I had a choice. I could hang out with my friends, or I could go home and read my book on Nazi Germany and have a bit of quiet time. I chose the latter. I find myself plagued with questions as to why I chose to be alone than rather be with my friends. Am I changing that much? Not long ago I would have put this book down at the first 70 pages maybe as it started fairly slowly. Now only a week into it, I've read over 700 pages, and I am enjoying it. It teaches me of the past, and of the mistakes of men who were considered great. Too see how much, or how little, the world has changed since then is truly wondrous. But while I read I thought of my friends. The people who mean the world to me, I rejected because of a book. My views are changing as the month passes. I think I'm on the road to be well off in the long run, but a bit of instant gratification wouldn't hurt now or then would it? As soon as I think thoughts like this I consider myself weak. I set the goal to read and exercise and so on and I will achieve it. But I don't know if it's worth it anymore. Sorry for the big jumble of thought there, just kind of spilled out. Good luck to make sense of it.

Dreams

I have many dreams for what my future my bring, and what I may achieve in it. Many people consider many of them impossible or highly unlikely that I or anyone may achieve these things, but no matter what you say, you can never stop me dreaming. I would rather try with every fiber of my being and fail, than have not tried at all. I would rather be broken and beaten by my greatest fear than have never faced it. What is the point to my existence if I do nothing but consume and make the world an even worse place? So much to be done, and seemingly so little time to do it. But I'm trying. I'm really trying this time and by the end of this I will either be a broken man or the man I always aspired to be. None of us are perfect, and we never will be. I myself partake in may degenerate behaviors. But it doesn't mean you can't try and do something good once in a while. And maybe if your lucky, it might just work. Not a very long post, or a very insightful one either; but its really early and I need to exercise, so I'm going to leave it at that.

Gifted

My friends truly are amazing people. Abounding in compassion and conviction to what they believe, they hold me up. They are the backbone of my life. Gifted in so many ways, they could change the world. Intelligent, insightful, committed, and oh so very talented in ways I couldn't even hope to be. You surpass me on every front and I marvel with awe at what you may achieve in years to come. Sometimes I wonder why you stick by me, but I can never express how glad I am that you have. You guys mean the world to me. I write this while missing many of you dearly; all I long for is to see your faces again or hear your laugh. I have learnt so much since I met each of you and without you my mind would be closed to many concepts and truths I have now come to embrace. For this I must thank you.

One so clever he makes my head spin. Natural genius and practical wisdom abound fruitfully and plentifully within his character. I have known him longer than most others I know and have had the honor of watching him grow and mature into the man he is today. From the boy who made chicken noises, to now my greatest ally and friend. Our bromance has even become famed in some circles of the world. As our time clocked on fable is immeasurable, so is my faith in you. There is so much more I could say (I could almost talk endlessly in fact) though I think thats best saved for a speech somewhere down the line. Thank you for all you've done for me. The knowledge you've imparted and the wisdom you have shared will never go forgotten.

One who sings to the heavens as most can only dream of. To me, our friendship is quite very special. We were not bff's from the moment we laid eyes on each other. In fact, I think you asked me out in year 6 even (crazy days) but from when ever it was that we started talking and getting close, our relationship bloomed. Always up for a bit of goss, if any of us can get any, I can talk to you for hours about things that won't be happening for years, but get us all excited none the less. Marriage, kids, the whole shebang. You're always there for me, and I will always be there for you. We've had our will we's won't we's, but I know you'll understand when I say thank you, and I do love you.

Ahhh this one. Whether he be hittin up some bitches or taking a quiet night in reading leather bound books he'll always be my wingman. Acquaintance from the age of 6, and friends from about 9 we never looked back. So many memories flood my mind when I think of you. Whether it be ruling the year 6 stock market, fighting in the house of parliament, playing halo for hours on end, or watching you strip to your sexy Santa outfit they have all been truly amazing times. Though we may not see each other as much anymore we have still held strong, and I cannot express to you the faith this gives me in our friendship, and with other relationships the future may hold for me. Your the smartest guy I know, and the world is literally your oyster. Thanks so much for our time together, and rock on dude.

So thats my little talk. A little indulgent and corny but I honestly mean every word. You guys are the best.