Drivel

Sometimes I wonder about the way i view the world and what I expect from it. I think a lot of the time I'm expecting way too much. Right now all I want to do is fly planes for the rest of my life. To be up in the sky, completely focused. The Zen master. Obviously, there are a few steps to get there and even if i do get there i'll still have to deal with a load of other stuff anyways. I mean i can't be in the air 100% of the time. It might just be all the stuff with school thats making this a hard choice as well, though school ends in months and by then I'll have bigger fish to fry. I still think school is getting in the way. 6 classes and src takes its toll and I have to expect the energy to come from somewhere. Especially if i want to stay fit. Right now I'd have to admit its not looking great, but I'd really love that to turn around. Though I'd probably have problems with my expectations again. The ones I need are gone. The ones I want are gone. I don't want to talk to whats left. I doubt they could understand no matter how hard they tried. Not that they're bad. Its just hard to explain sometimes you know? My brain and my body are telling me two different things at the moment, and I'm not entirely sure which one to trust. Honest to god I feel so dumb sometimes. So goddam dumb. I just can't seem to figure my shit out half the time. Get it together David. I think i'll just sit with how things are at the moment. Potentially for the best. Though by that reason potentially for the worst as well. Remain chipper. Don't make your move. You have nothing to rush right now. It gets damn boring sometimes though. Oh well. I'll live. I'll always live.