Choices

Sometimes I wonder why it is that we must always seem to have to choose between one thing or the other. Instant gratification or being well off in the long run. The eternal struggle. But sometimes, in fact almost never is it it that easy. I don't even know one from the other anymore. Today I had a choice. I could hang out with my friends, or I could go home and read my book on Nazi Germany and have a bit of quiet time. I chose the latter. I find myself plagued with questions as to why I chose to be alone than rather be with my friends. Am I changing that much? Not long ago I would have put this book down at the first 70 pages maybe as it started fairly slowly. Now only a week into it, I've read over 700 pages, and I am enjoying it. It teaches me of the past, and of the mistakes of men who were considered great. Too see how much, or how little, the world has changed since then is truly wondrous. But while I read I thought of my friends. The people who mean the world to me, I rejected because of a book. My views are changing as the month passes. I think I'm on the road to be well off in the long run, but a bit of instant gratification wouldn't hurt now or then would it? As soon as I think thoughts like this I consider myself weak. I set the goal to read and exercise and so on and I will achieve it. But I don't know if it's worth it anymore. Sorry for the big jumble of thought there, just kind of spilled out. Good luck to make sense of it.