Something I truly despise

The importance placed on someone's body image these days is disgusting. I can barely express how sick I am with all these secrets everywhere to 'bulk up fast' or 'lose all that weight in 2 weeks'. The market's even been cornered on nice guys promising 'no more of those lies, this is simple natural exercise'. So many toned bodies are plastered everywhere, and if you're the slightest bit different, you're doing something wrong. And what's the point to all this bulk? To help get attractive women with presumably equally hollow lives. The funny thing is though, is that when you look around, how many people really look like the guys and gals from the posters? Sure, there's a few here and there who are just naturally fine, but the majority of people are just normal dudes like everyone else. We've all had the wool pulled over our eyes that everyone but us is packing a six pack. To be perfectly honest, I don't want arms like an 'anaconda that's swallowed a pig'. I wouldn't mind a bit more muscle there, but I don't want to be bursting out of my t-shirt.

When I was really young (like 6) i used to be a skinny little dude. Then for whatever reason, i started packing on the kilo's. By year 5 or so i was pretty damn fat, and in hindsight I am now referred to as 'fat David' when looking back on those times. Luckily I outgrew a lot of it, and did a LOT of running for a while, but I've still always been pretty biggish. You know, I am working towards the body that I want, but thats exactly the thing. It's what I want. Not what I'm told the world wants me to want. Screw your protein shakes and fitness magazines. I will achieve my goals, but not on your terms. I don't need some ipod to track my runs, I don't need the special shoes that are crafted perfectly by hand. Least of all I need your constant propaganda rammed down my throat, when it's not even true. Fuck you body image. FUCK YOU. I can do this on my own.

Importance

So, after finishing my maths exam I now only have Physics and flight to go, for which i should be studying right now. Despite my desperate need for study, I think every once in a while you just need to have a bit of a chill out, and have a look at how important all this stuff is. It's way to easy to get caught up in things (for me at least) and giving them a way higher priority than they need. I think last weekend was the perfect example. The one weekend I really need to study, and its the nicest couple of days in months. Sure, I could have studied a little more and gotten a few more marks in maths, but despite how much I plan for the future, its important to live in the moment as well. Every now and then, throughout my study I decided to go outside everyone once in a while to clear my head. I'd play with the cat, read, or just sit in the sun. All those little things that make life worth living. I guess the point is that people get themselves too worked up over things that don't matter these days, and its important to have a little time out once in a while. We spend so much time worrying about things in life we can miss the tiniest things that make it worth our time.

Ironically after writing all of that I have to return to study, but it was nice to blow off a little steam.

Apologize for the Winge

So basically, no matter how excited I am about the future, I'm still worried whats going to happen with my friends. I've gotten pretty close to some people, and there's no way I'd want to let them go, but I'm worried we're just going to slowly drift away. The only time I'll have off is going to be weekends and that doesn't really allow much time to keep in contact, especially if there's also going to be distance involved. There have been times in my past were I've been determined to keep in contact with people, and no matter how I tried it just seemed to drop off as we out grew each other. And I don't really want that to happen again. I know I'm having a bit of a winge, but it is something thats constantly pressing in my mind. I like to think I can get on pretty easily with people, but there are a rare few that I really put my trust in, and I really don't want to loose them. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to see what happens and try my best.

Righteous Fury

A sea is crashing thunderously on rocks. Every impact sending a fine spray over the dark rocks as storm clouds brew ominously overhead. There is so much to achieve, so many goals to fulfill. I sit silently on the cliffs edge, watching the scene unfold before me. With every second the waves grow stronger as they constantly pound the rocks. The sea is almost black now, with a fine white covering the tips of its waves. It lashes out like a giant creature grasping for freedom. So much pain. Roars fill the air as the storm breaks. Thunder booming through the cold sky. I wait in the dim twilight, watching the monster cry out to the world. We were born as her protectors, but we have become her captors. Understanding leads to fear, and instead of welcoming the new world, we shy away, afraid of what it may bring. Lightning grandly arcs across the sky, proud and just. Such power to witness. Tears slowly roll down my cheeks. How could we have done this. The storm builds with righteous fury, and for some reason, we never saw it coming. The ignorant blunder blindly in the dark, searching hopelessly for a way out. But there is none. Years have passed, and despite her cries, we have shown her no mercy. All you pray for is a moment of silence, simply to gather your thoughts, but its is futile. The cliff face starts to crumble away, and I await the inevitable. Endless berating waves flay the rock like a whip, and it falls deep into the ocean. Buildings fall to depths we couldn't even imagine. A new darkness becomes apparent, but it is too late. I stare into the black torrent, and a monster stares back. Is this what we have become. The end is drawing near and we call upon all the wealth that we have amassed. Only at our time of true disaster do we see how meaningless it really is. You cannot eat money. But that wouldn't stop you trying. I am at peace now, as the last of the cliff falls and I plunge deep into the icy water. The cold is infectious and it spreads like a disease throughout my body. I slowly become numb, and the world seems a little kinder. I begin to gag, and my dying body starts to jerk in the desperate search for air. It is useless, with every second I am dragged even deeper into the darkness. I entertain the thoughts of a life beyond, but as always, it seems pointless to me. We could have avoided all of this, if only we had listened. But we never did. She cried out endlessly to the world, but no one noticed. The last bubble emerges from my now limp body, the last memory floating away. My last conscious thoughts are of those dearest to me, and the question as to whether they will share my fate. I am ready, and feel the oceans last embrace. All my memories, all my experience, all that i once knew, lost in an endless moment time.

Living By a Song

"Oh very young

What will you leave us this time

You're only dancing on this earth for a short while

And though your dreams may toss and turn you now

They will vanish away like your daddy's best jeans

Denim Blue fading up to the sky

And though you want them to last forever

You know they never will

And the patches make the goodbye harder still"

I wonder how young I still am. How much I am yet to learn. Am i still immature compared to what i will be in days to come? All that I hold as my own is my future, though i can handle it not going to plan. I view myself in a unique light, putting myself under endless scrutiny. I want to be able to make an impact. I want to be a good guy. And I'm really trying now. During days such as these we have to be the best of humanity. Will I ever rise to my expectations? The opinions and thoughts of others don't concern me. They can think what they like. But if I can't live up to my own word, what have I got left. Its time to start living, and step into my own spotlight. Enough skulking in the shadows. I am frightened sometimes, but its always worth it. As they say, you have to risk something to gain something. And if you want something you have to be willing to give something up. Its just the way works. I don't mind giving things up as much any more. I still know who I am. Just know that I don't try to protect you because I think you hopeless, but because I care. I guess thats why I've chosen certain paths in life, to protect others. And I like to think I'm making a career out of it, but that's a matter of opinion. It would be nice to be remembered. I'll never know, and it wouldn't change anything, but its a comforting thought. Even if i was simply a fleeting thought, it would make me smile. I remember all those I call my own.

The right direction

Sure, I've done some despicable things in my life, but honest to god I hate myself for them. I try to make things right, I do all that I can. I know I slipped up, but you really think i need you? Who are you trying to defend anyway? I am simply a man of instinct.

You know, I'm still young. If i can't make mistakes now, when can I? I know it wasn't necessarily right, but after a while, I've finally got my head in the right place. I've had some time to think and my mind is made up. I know who the people are that I want in my life, and you're not one of them. You are toxic.

I want to appologize to anyone who i've been a bit of a dick to at all, or even if i just haven't talked to you as much as I wanted to. I want to thank my friends who stuck by despite all my pigheadedness, you guys are great. I know it must be hard with me sometimes. Its probably pretty clear that alot has been on my mind seein as i don't usually type like this, but i just wanted to get it all out there. I guess what i'm trying to say, is i know the people I want in my life and I know where I'm going. What once felt like a sentence now feels like an adventure, and I can't wait.

Monsters in the Night

We are the monsters in the world. Our innocence ravaged we see the truth, but still we do nothing. We are the worst of the worst, the truly enlightened. So many bid to change our ways, to show us their supposed 'truths'. But they are wrong. We know what makes the world go round. Souls blackened to extinction we give but a second thought to our fate. We know so much. We do so many horrible things. Who would have thought that the wise could become wicked. Why should we even save you people anyway? With everyday our darkness grows, reaching to every corner of our lives. We are nothing but our insides now. We are the monsters in the night.