Take the Plunge

I sit under an artificial light, staring at the decadence that surrounds me. CD's, games, posters, and action figures are all around. What is the purpose of these things? They do grant me some pleasure, but over time they become forgotten and discarded. They are of no real use to me. The more of the objects that I own, the emptier I feel. Why do we have this constant desire to want? We want a new computer, or a new TV, or a new outfit, even when nothing wrong has happened to the old one. In a world of genocide and disease all we seem to care about is the latest fashion. Forgive me if I seem cynical, but I am only describing what I have seen day after day after day in this life I lead. The in's and out's are never ending, and there is always another task to be completed. I get little from this. The best moments of my life are those in which i loose time, and there is nothing to be obviously achieved. I live for the experience. A single moment in time, frozen for eternity. Solutions have seemed to present themselves in the past, but I have either failed to pass or have been too fearful to accept. This time however, is different. I see the path in front of me that I will walk. I know now that it will be hard and riddled with many obstacles. But most of all, I now know what it will take. 31 days of the new year. That is all I require. I will read books that I have longed to read. I will walk for hours in the bush, marveling at the landscape. I will run and breath deeply the clean morning air. I will meditate to strengthen my inner self, and i will train to strengthen my outer self. A personal pilgrimage awaits me. I know to many that this may seem harsh and despondent from our friendship, but this is something I must do. This year I found out who I want to be. Next year will be the time to become him. I will be stronger after this. Physically, emotionally and spiritually. I will be able to face my fears and over come them, not without struggle, but none the less I will prevail. And most of all, I shall be happy. So long have I sought my solution, what a fool I would be to pass it up now. One day left. The clock counts down. I breathe deeply. And I take the plunge.

Brain mush

So i finally feel like doin some writing, and get some ideas, and my brain turns to mush on account of super pain pills. yay. If i don't take the pills, my jaw starts to hurt. If i do take the pills, i descend into a drugged stupor. Ah well, in a few days i'll be back to normal

Meaningless relics

Men are raised, and have been raised, the same for many generations. We are taught to be strong and absent of fear. We are taught women are objects, particularly sexual objects, and they are good for nothing more. We are taught gays are evil and deserve to be treated without compassion. Throughout our youth we are pressed to achieve physically, and failing this, we are berated by comments such as being called a girl. But we could not have it more wrong. The illusion of manliness is a relic from an uneducated time. I feel emotion. I cry. I bleed. Just like everyone else. I do want girls who are just my friends. But as soon as we try to test these boundaries, to search for freedom, we are beaten until we once again conform with the standard. I mean lets be honest, there's plenty good about being a man, but there are some truly wrong things as well. A courageous man once stated, to a group of women at a womens rights convention "My liberation as a man, is directly related to your liberation as a woman." So few can see we are all in this together. Man, woman, it matters not. We are all people. I can take no more of the restraints that constrict me.

Where most people go wrong here is that they get too tied to the things they believe. Extreme feminists are an example of this, taking their ideals beyond the rational. Almost reflecting this, many men are no better. With the 'liberation' of women throughout the passed centuries many women have been brought to an equal plain with men. Trust me when I say I could not be happier about this. But as extremists from both sides emerge, we forget that there should be no real conflict in the first place. Its only the people in the extremes that make us think what we do.

Sure, I guess in some ways I am 'a man'. I like my sports, action movies, i'm joining the military, I am attracted to women. I am also however, quite 'a girl' in many respects. I like chick flicks, i believe in love, i sob, i love to gossip, i feel the need to nurture children. As demonstrated I, and I know many others, hold characteristics from both the 'man' and the 'girl' piles. Doesn't this in itself show that these terms are meaningless? That we have outgrown these childish praises and insults. I know I may say 'I'm the man' or call you 'woman'. But I never mean it, I only joke.

The disturbing thing is, had I not possessed any of these 'girly' traits, I would not be changed in my views of this topic in the slightest. Left to my own devices I would have blundered about about in the dark, not knowing the errors of my ways. Surely then, the only way to bring about this knowledge in vast numbers is through education. Children must be taught the right ways to act. No more fearlessness. No more objectification. We cannot rely on men simply coming to these conclusions of their own accord. We need to act and educate the children of today to ensure a free future for men and women.

What is David?

So, as it seems a lot of people in the concept of the soul. Call it what you want; soul, spirit, essence, your ghost, it is generally defined as "The principle of life, feeling, thought, and action in human, regarded as a distinct entity separate from the body, and commonly held to be separable in existence from the body; the spiritual part of humans as distinct from the physical part."

Being an atheist, I do not believe in the soul. People often seem confused when I present this point to them, as if my life could not exist without the belief in such a thing. "So what do you believe in?" They ask in a kind of fascinated repulsion. The truth is quite simple. I do not believe in anything. There is no soul, no great secret to my identity. I was not created with purposeful intent nor do I have a destiny to fulfill. I simply am. What I am is entirely encased within my physical form. David is nothing but a massively, massively complex series of chemical and physical reactions brought on by the environment that surrounds him. His life has the meaning he chooses to provide it with and, as such, he possesses an extraordinary amount of freedom. Bound by no rules but those he imposes of himself a sense of character is built. He lives his life according to his expectations. His expectations are derived from the events of the past. He derives these events and interprets them using the massively, massively complex chemical reactions unwittingly every second of every day.

When I express this thought to people, many seem depressed by it. Certainly, my view point can be easily skewed to portray a monotonous meaningless lifestyle but this is far from the truth. Nothing is more touching than the beauty that surrounds me. To think of the chance of life itself existing, our evolution as a species to get to a point where we can appreciate such concepts, and then my very conception was so extremely small. The odds are incomprehensible. I may be an atheist, but this does not mean I am against religion. The fact that we can conceptualize such gods is quite astounding.

I can't help but feel I've gone off on a bit of tangent here. But if I can't indulge myself with rants on my blog where can I? To put it simply: I am who I decide. I am not special. I am not on the whole different to any others of our species. I am changing day by day, and I'm cool with it. Life is beautiful.