First of all, I've been putting a lot of pressure on myself to achieve highly at school. Every piece of work has to be my best work and needless to say this has been causing a decent bit of stress. I think that if I really REALLY try hard, I could potentially top a good number of my classes, and if I don't I always feel as if I'm wasting my potential. I've always been a bit over achieving in this regard. However, now I'm happy to have a bit of a chill. I'm still aiming high, but lets face it, I'm never going to get to the top if all I do is worry about it and let it eat away at me. I can put the effort it, and if I don't like what I get I just do better next time. No more stressing, I'm moving forward.
Another factor thats been getting to me a little is relationships. My god, I always make such a big deal out of these things. For those of you that don't know, I've essentially been set up with Toria's friend Gabie a few times, and I kind of like her. Not entirely sure, but that's where the road is headed. She's pretty, nice and we have a decent amount in common. Not possessing the supremely high emotional intelligence I would like however, I find it hard to gauge how she feels about me. I'm getting a few vibes, but yeah, I find it difficult to know what to do next, and in typical David fashion, I obsess about it. There's that perfectionist streak again. Question's frequently bounce around in my head such as: when do I text her next? When should I ask her out? Am I able to actually keep something like this rolling? When am I able to do stuff during the week? What could I cut back to make time for this? I get way to serious. I don't even know the girl properly yet. Ye gods. I'm trying to take a bit of a different approach however, to optimize my wellbeing, and it seems to be working. More on that as it unfolds I guess.
I've also been thinking a lot about my relationships with my friends as well, not just the romantic side of things, and I've come to a few realizations. Joel exempt, I don't really have anyone who understands me wholly. Many whom I'm able to talk to about about the philosophical side of life I'm unable to talk to about my career aspirations and future plans, and visa versa. This makes things a little hard sometimes when trying to convey ideas that involve both ends of the spectrum. An example of this was the other day. I was involved with hannah's (and gen's/jess's? i don't know) media assignment, and it was all well and good. The only thing I'd really wanted to that day was go to skyfire at 6, to see the Hornet do a fly over. That was the only thing. Inevitably, it didn't happen. I'm not that cut about it, but it was more the 'meh' attitude of everyone that got to me. As Nathan said 'it's just a plane'. To you it may just be a plane, but to me it's way more that that, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to explain that to you guys. This also led me to contemplate whether I will ever be able to appreciate your life's passion as much as you will. So yeah, doing a lot of thinking in that direction.
As always I'm still thinking about defence. My officer selection board is in the first week of the holidays, and time seems to be going faster and faster as the weeks clock over. I'm not worried though, I have a plan and I'm pretty sure it'll come off fine. Not much more to say about that.
And then, at the end of the day I'm left thinking that while I sit here and try to make sense out of every little thing that happens in my life, horrible things are still happening. Any good I try to equals nothing in the grand scheme of things.
But you never know what could happen. After all this tomfoolery, I guess it boils down to this.
I believe in the green light.
No comments:
Post a Comment