I'm fine people

I know I may complain from time to time my loneliness, but I rarely feel like that except every now and then in the night times. Yes, I crap on about how nice it would be to have someone by my side I could rely on and love and smooch and all that bullocks, but I'm not crying into my pillow all the time. Of course I'd take the chance if my "perfect" woman walked by me or got talkin to me, but for now I'm just not that into anyone. I'm not afraid, I'm not alone, I'm not searching for sex, I'm not in desperate need of love and attention. I'm doing just fine.

Superheros

We build such high ideals. Goals that are so impossible to meet. Will I ever be enough? No matter how hard I try I fall. Do I need to try harder, or is it time simply to give up? Even if I get there in the end I will never be remembered. Just another man forgotten in time, and we are just a spec in the bitter emptiness of space. Sometimes I feel we need a hero. Not a man who can lift cars, not an alien from another world, not a crazy billionaire. Just a man, just one good man. I'd like to think thats all it would take. But the truth is he'd be crushed like all those before him. The heroes go flash in the night, and the villains live on. Maybe sometimes it is better just to give up.

The animal within

Our time on this earth is so very, very short. Not only as an individual, but also as a species. But do we spend our time bettering ourselves, helping those around us, creating beautiful or amazing things, or finding our true friends? No. We war, we steal, we murder, we rape, we insult, we bully. Maybe in our modern society people feel obliged to be good citizens of the world, but deep down we're still animals. Our primal lusts still run strong. They still have their hold on us. Many people claim how they want to help, how they want to change the world, but they do nothing. They say it is too hard to change but, in fact, they are the ones incapable of change. If you want to make a difference, you must reject your basic instinct. Leave your lusts by the way side. Because until you finish with them, you will still be a slave to the animal within. It is our animal that wars. Our animal that steals, murders and rapes. People can explain our animal helping those around us, linking it back to when we were cavemen, but in a modern global community like ours I do not believe them. We are fully aware that millions of people die a day. Yet every now and then, we'll help an old guy across the street. What difference is that small act going to make in the scheme of things? Very little. But you still did it. All we need is a little perspective. Then maybe something will start to change.

Somewhere over that rainbow

I get called a few immasculine things from time to time. Corny, girly, wimpy and not manly enough among others. I guess I am a few of these things, but I feel no shame for it. It is simply who I am and I doubt that's going to change anytime soon. I like to believe its possible for the world to be a better place. Obviously nothing is ever going to be perfect, and it'll take a hell of a long time before things even tick over to good, but things don't always have to be so bad. I'm never quite sure if I'll ever manage to make a difference, but there are people out there who will if given the chance. Everyone doing their little bit matters. Take someone of opposing views of you out to lunch; have a talk, get to know them as a person. Have a bit of a walk outside your comfort zone. Push yourself. It only takes a little effort to make a change.

The song won't embed, but it's gorgeous.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1bFr2SWP1I&ob=av2em

Resolutions

So, there are only two weeks of holidays left. Looking back on my list of things to do I think I'm doing alright so far, but I'll evaluate that right at the finish. For now I think its time to start setting my goals for the rest of the year. Whenever I undertake something like this, I always feel a real internal struggle. There's the perfectionist in me who desires all my goals to be academically related, or at least to something with a scored value. There's also the dreamer who wants to unravel the mysteries of the universe, and look into the more spiritual side of life. Because of this, it can be hard to set out some hard goals, though I usually manage to find a good balance. And with that said, I guess that's what the theme for this year is going to be. Balance. Let's get to it.

School. Ah yes, the final year. The culmination of all we've been taught and all the skills we've learnt over the years. My goals for this year, regarding school are a bit varied, but being the nerd I am, I'll start with the academics. I would love to get an ATAR of 95+ and I think this is quite possible if I keep up the study this year. I'm hoping for 90's in history, english and flight, and 80's for physics and maths. If I manage to get all of that, I'm going to be pretty freakin happy. It's going to be a hard slog though, and no doubt my lunchtimes and afternoons will be filled with all kinds of lectures and extra little tid bits to keep me on my game. But hey, you gotta give a little to get a little. My second goal for school, which I must say I am a bit apprehensive and excited about is to get a few charities running. The two that I'm going for so far are 'Triangles for Truth' which is a student run organisation to help stop genocide, and the stem cell research foundation. With a few talks to teachers, and maybe an assembly speech I think these should be underway and in full swing a few weeks into the term, provided they gather sufficient student support. Oh well, just have to wait and see with that one.

Defence. The next big road block, or perhaps the biggest road block of all to extend the metaphor. This year two stages remain in my Defence application. My interview (on Tuesday) and my flight screening (probs around July). After that I simply need to wait for an offer from a service and apply for ADFA from the university end. Everything's going well so far and there hasn't been any major kerfuffles. All I need to do is keep up my academics, witty charm, and fitness (which gives me a nice lead in to my next topic).

Apparently one of the the most popular new years resolutions was to get fit this year. Though it wasn't my resolution (I'll get to that in a bit) getting fit is still a high priority. So far it's been going pretty well this month, I've got a decent routine worked out and though I stray here and there every now and then its working pretty well. I'm feeling better, and I'm finding the exercises easier, so thats a plus. All I need to do is keep it up for the year, and I should be fine. Not too much for to say for that really. So with the perfectionist now happy and my quantitative goals set, its time to give the dreamer a little bit of writing space and talk about my resolutions.
Last year was very different for me than any other year of schooling I'd had. I changed schools for the first time (which really wasn't a drama) and I got to meet a lot of new people. I learnt many things about people, the world, and most importantly myself. I had come to Tuggeranong a bratty teen, thinking I knew it all, but I couldn't have been more ignorant. I was brought from a closed off stale world into into a place budding with fresh ideas and concepts, and I loved it. It may seem as if I've changed a bit from who I was when I left Trinity, but I think its more I'm becoming who I've always wanted to be. And that draws me to my resolution. Last year I found out the kind of person I want to be. This year, I'm going to become the person I want to be. I want to have a purpose to every moment; whether it be studying, chillin with my friends or just doing nothing at all. It may be slow, but I'm going to be the best person I can be. And that's my goal. To be the person I wan to be, and to be the best I can be. Yes, as always its corny, but that's just me, and I'm damn proud of that (again with the corn). So congratulations if you managed to struggle through that, I'm surprised that you held out this long. If you didn't, its cool, I probably still love you.

Mish Mash

I often wonder about the future and how different it could be from the life I lead now. What kind of person will I be in ten, or even five years? Would I even recognize myself on the street? I think about what kind of place the world will be. Will it be that apocalyptic landscape of the 2030's we've all been raised with in action movies? Will the world even exist after 2012? (that last one was a joke, of course the world isn't going to end). But above all that I think more about the people I'll be with. I mean I get on easily with people and everything, but there aren't too many people who I often grow close with. In fact this year at college I'd way there was one, possibly a few others. I don't really see this as a downside, I'd rather be close with one person that still pretty distant with 10. But I digress. The point is, I don't particularly want to loose anyone I'm friends with now, but it's inevitable isn't it? How many guys do you see round with friends they've had since their early teens? Not too many. I know, it's possible, but it still makes you think. Everyone I've seen who goes to uni often forgets about many of the friends they had while they were in college. I mean, lets pray not, but by that time I may even be some meat head commando guy. Don't think this is going to make me distant at all from the friends I have now, if nothing else it will make my bond stronger to enjoy the time we have left together. And you all know I'd love more than anything never to let you go, but like the steady stream life moves on (pardon the corn). Maybe it would be smarter of me to keep my distances. Get a lot of friends who I'm willing to let go. But I just can't live like that. I need people I can love, people I can gossip with, people I can play fable with, people I can bitch with, people who I can talk shit with, people who I can cruise with, people I can man hug, people who I can just talk to with no strings, people I can share embarrassing stories with, people I can laugh with, people who I can sing, dance and cry with. My life is my friendships. I can't handle fakeness. Are we not defined by who we are in the eyes of others? One thing that makes me happy is that I have kept in contact with everyone who I love despite most of them being at different schools to me, and this heartens me greatly. Maybe I will still see you all in years to come. I'm feeling pretty chill now, about the future and all. Not stressin about my interview, the year, or even the next ten. Just being content with the moment and what I have now. Looking back on it, this has been a pretty mish mash post. None of that classic David originality (ha) but I'm pretty sure I've said all I wanted to say. Don't you love a good cathartic blog?

I would end with peace, but with me looking to join defence and what not it seems kind of hypocritical. I think a simple good night then will suffice. Night y'all.

One week

There is but one week until the next stage of my Defence application, and I'm feeling a little nervous. In times like these i usually like to talk to people, but seeing I have stuff i need to do and most people are still asleep at half nine I figure blogging should also do the trick. Also I've been tellin a lot of you I've been studying, so i figure i'll show you what i've had to study. So this time I'm doing the whole proper interview. I've passed all my maths tests and what not, so now I just need to be able to talk and remember stuff. Usually I'm alright at that, so it shouldn't be too bad. I have however, never had a for real job interview before so I'm not entirely sure what kind of environment its gonna be. My suits all ready to go, and all I need to complete the picture is the lovely longines that usually inhabits Joel's wrist. The only thing that has me a little worried is the stuff i need to remember. I got a packet of information stating the following:

1. Do I really want to be an airman?
2. Why do I want to be an airman?
3. Do I have the right achademic qualifications?
4. Do I know the role and can i cope with the responsibilites?
5. Do I know the training process?
6. How much do I know about military life in general?
7. How will my lifestyle be affected by joining Defence?
8. Do I understand the enlistment conditions of service?
9. What does my family think about my application?
10. Can I offer unrestricted service?
11. Where and how long is your initial military training (IMT)?
12. What will you learnt at officer training and what will your environment be like?
13. Where and how long is your initial employment training?
14. What type of equipment might you use?
15. How long will you enlist for?
16. Where are the military bases that you may be posted to after training?
17. What mustering/specialization will you belong to?
18. What are the main functions of the role you are applying for? how is the combat role related to this?
19. What are the potential operating environments for your job role?
20. What are the employment conditions for this job role - positive and negative?
21. What are the pay entitlements for IMT/IET and once fully qualified?
22. What is the ADF policy on non-medical use of drugs
23. What will service life be like?
24. What is the pre enlistment fitness assessment?

So yeah, there's a lot of stuff I have to know. It also states that these questions are the minimum standard of knowledge. eep. I've got a little work book that I've been writing down my information in to study and I think its working pretty well. Just so y'all know basically I'll be shuttin down for about a week until this is done, because i really want to nail it. Sorry if this was convoluted/pointless/hard to understand, but i am nervous, and as such my abilities suffer.

The nightmare man

He finds you when you're sleeping,

He rattles on the door.

He makes your nightmares real,

He'll make you plead for more.

No hole is small enough to hide,

Nowhere is left to run.

The nightmare man will find you,

beneath the midnight sun.

But don't despair my children,

He hasn't found you yet.

I stand forever vigilant,

For the devil's favorite pet.

But if he ever finds you,

When I am old and frail,

You must confront him face to face,

Tear off his darkened veil.

Only when he is no more,

Will your dark thoughts cease.

Until that day may come my love,

You must learn to love the beast.

Vulnerability

This pretty much just made my night. Y'all should watch. I've linked it, cause i'm yet to find out how to embed and what not haha.

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

for some reason, you can't see the link on the post, but i assure you its there. just mouse over it.

The sweet life

I've never broken a bone.

I've never failed a school report.

I have a car I don't have to pay for.

My family gets on reasonably well.

My parents don't fight too much.

I've got a good plan for my future.

I've got the most amazing set of friends.

My head's in the right place, generally.

Everything seems pretty damn swell.

What did I ever do to earn such a damn easy life? There are so many more people than me who could use a bit of slack, but no. I want to empathize, but how can I? I just want to help people. And I know this is one of those 'oh you have a great life, so i should pick holes in it, la di da' posts, but yeah. if you don't like it, don't read it

Oh, the times we'll have

We'll drive along the great ocean roads and marvel at the beauty that surrounds us. We'll spend balmy nights gazing into the starts, soaking in the very fabric of the universe. We'll cuddle up close on cold nights, safe in the reassurance that the other one will always be there when the going gets tough. We'll be able to have our alone time, and pursue our own interests without the other one getting all uppity. We'll have our fights every now and then, but its okay, really, because we know we'll always make up in the end. We'll have our romantic moments, however unconventional they may be. We'll always fight for what we believe. We'll strive to make the world a better place for our children, and one day, we might even make a small difference. But most of all we'll feel free. Free from the burdens of society. Free from everyone's expectations. Free from the sadness. Free from the pain. Free from the doubt.

I'd like that.

I'd like that a lot.

Take a Joke

Just a heads up, this one is a bit of a rage, so if you're looking for any deeper meaning there isn't any. Well done if you figure out who it is. But unlike joel's blog, there shall be no prizes.

So yeah, I've admitted it. What I did wasn't that great. It was kinda mean, but I have apologized, and there's only so many times I can do that with sincerity. I can understand you being pissed, but if you recall I have forgiven you for far worse. Time after time you'll have let me down, insulted those I love, made me do something I don't want to and even scolded me for not doing things your way. You take and take without giving anything back, until I am left and an emotionally empty husk. You want me to grow up? Why don't you at least get to my level first before I mature anymore. Yes, this is harsh, and you'll probably never read it, but you need to learn how to take a joke. Unfortunately, the world does not revolve around you and your little life. What's that? You have problems in your life? Well who the hell doesn't. It's how you cope with them that makes the difference. Maybe you were of more significance when my life was small, but my world has been opened up now with opportunities everywhere. And you want me to sit and play these little games with you? No thanks. There are far more important things in this world for me to fight for than our piece of shit friendship. I wonder who you'll run to to whine about this considering I'm too immature to talk to. I've said all I can. I don't care what else you want, I've done my best. The ball's in your court now. Come talk to me when you've learnt something about how life. Until then, I don't give a fuck.

Choices

Sometimes I wonder why it is that we must always seem to have to choose between one thing or the other. Instant gratification or being well off in the long run. The eternal struggle. But sometimes, in fact almost never is it it that easy. I don't even know one from the other anymore. Today I had a choice. I could hang out with my friends, or I could go home and read my book on Nazi Germany and have a bit of quiet time. I chose the latter. I find myself plagued with questions as to why I chose to be alone than rather be with my friends. Am I changing that much? Not long ago I would have put this book down at the first 70 pages maybe as it started fairly slowly. Now only a week into it, I've read over 700 pages, and I am enjoying it. It teaches me of the past, and of the mistakes of men who were considered great. Too see how much, or how little, the world has changed since then is truly wondrous. But while I read I thought of my friends. The people who mean the world to me, I rejected because of a book. My views are changing as the month passes. I think I'm on the road to be well off in the long run, but a bit of instant gratification wouldn't hurt now or then would it? As soon as I think thoughts like this I consider myself weak. I set the goal to read and exercise and so on and I will achieve it. But I don't know if it's worth it anymore. Sorry for the big jumble of thought there, just kind of spilled out. Good luck to make sense of it.

Dreams

I have many dreams for what my future my bring, and what I may achieve in it. Many people consider many of them impossible or highly unlikely that I or anyone may achieve these things, but no matter what you say, you can never stop me dreaming. I would rather try with every fiber of my being and fail, than have not tried at all. I would rather be broken and beaten by my greatest fear than have never faced it. What is the point to my existence if I do nothing but consume and make the world an even worse place? So much to be done, and seemingly so little time to do it. But I'm trying. I'm really trying this time and by the end of this I will either be a broken man or the man I always aspired to be. None of us are perfect, and we never will be. I myself partake in may degenerate behaviors. But it doesn't mean you can't try and do something good once in a while. And maybe if your lucky, it might just work. Not a very long post, or a very insightful one either; but its really early and I need to exercise, so I'm going to leave it at that.

Gifted

My friends truly are amazing people. Abounding in compassion and conviction to what they believe, they hold me up. They are the backbone of my life. Gifted in so many ways, they could change the world. Intelligent, insightful, committed, and oh so very talented in ways I couldn't even hope to be. You surpass me on every front and I marvel with awe at what you may achieve in years to come. Sometimes I wonder why you stick by me, but I can never express how glad I am that you have. You guys mean the world to me. I write this while missing many of you dearly; all I long for is to see your faces again or hear your laugh. I have learnt so much since I met each of you and without you my mind would be closed to many concepts and truths I have now come to embrace. For this I must thank you.

One so clever he makes my head spin. Natural genius and practical wisdom abound fruitfully and plentifully within his character. I have known him longer than most others I know and have had the honor of watching him grow and mature into the man he is today. From the boy who made chicken noises, to now my greatest ally and friend. Our bromance has even become famed in some circles of the world. As our time clocked on fable is immeasurable, so is my faith in you. There is so much more I could say (I could almost talk endlessly in fact) though I think thats best saved for a speech somewhere down the line. Thank you for all you've done for me. The knowledge you've imparted and the wisdom you have shared will never go forgotten.

One who sings to the heavens as most can only dream of. To me, our friendship is quite very special. We were not bff's from the moment we laid eyes on each other. In fact, I think you asked me out in year 6 even (crazy days) but from when ever it was that we started talking and getting close, our relationship bloomed. Always up for a bit of goss, if any of us can get any, I can talk to you for hours about things that won't be happening for years, but get us all excited none the less. Marriage, kids, the whole shebang. You're always there for me, and I will always be there for you. We've had our will we's won't we's, but I know you'll understand when I say thank you, and I do love you.

Ahhh this one. Whether he be hittin up some bitches or taking a quiet night in reading leather bound books he'll always be my wingman. Acquaintance from the age of 6, and friends from about 9 we never looked back. So many memories flood my mind when I think of you. Whether it be ruling the year 6 stock market, fighting in the house of parliament, playing halo for hours on end, or watching you strip to your sexy Santa outfit they have all been truly amazing times. Though we may not see each other as much anymore we have still held strong, and I cannot express to you the faith this gives me in our friendship, and with other relationships the future may hold for me. Your the smartest guy I know, and the world is literally your oyster. Thanks so much for our time together, and rock on dude.

So thats my little talk. A little indulgent and corny but I honestly mean every word. You guys are the best.