a little spark

So today I failed at maths. Really badly. And it would be all too easy to have a long rant and depress everyone with my thoughts of failure, but that wouldn't be treating this blog with the tenderness it deserves, so let's try and make something out of it. I'm writing an essay on 'A streetcar named desire' in English at the moment, and I must say I'm feeling a little like Blanche, her constant fight between fantasy and reality, the conflict between her high ideals and brutal desire. In a harsh and unforgiving world should we do nothing more than act like animals, or fight against the tide and risk loosing everything we have? I've always liked to think that I was a fighter, but maybe I'm just as close to my instincts as everyone else. I am guilty of all the deadly sins, just like all those I see around me everyday. Is it not enough to want to be better? I need strength right now, but its always so hard to know whether your belief in your self will be enough. It's nights like these that I can never sleep, and I just lay on my bed staring out my window into the night sky. The stars hold such old beauty. Even the lone streetlight barely illuminating the footpath with its incandescent glow gains a kind of garish charm in the dark. There is silence all around save from the occasional dog parking or car driving by. I often wonder how many others are doing the same as me in that moment, and I never feel alone. Countless brothers and sisters, not even aware of each others existence. Then, slowly, a little spark of hope creeps into my veins. It's not much, but its enough. Enough to keep me going for another night. I may be delusional, but who's to say I can't dream? I may never fully master my emotions, but then who does? You always have to try right? That's what I believe anyway. It may seem impossible. The significance of your actions may be so minuscule that you needn't have tried in the first place. But you'll never know until you take the first step. In this dark march towards whatever it is we're approaching.... Don't - Don't hang back with the brutes.