Changes

So today was a good day, for many reasons. I realised that I haven't been being true to myself lately. Instead of acting like who I am, I've been acting like who I think I should be. This was causing me some trouble. I had begun pursuing things that I did not need, or even at times did not want, simply because I felt that I should in order to maintain my image. Since when has that ever mattered to me? Image? These feelings and anxieties had been brewing for a while and really needed to be worked out. So I decided it was time to tackle this, and I took the day off. I didn't do any of the work I should have, but for the first time in a long time, I really got back in touch with who I am, and what I want out of life. I took a good long walk, listened to some of my favourite tunes, and just sat out in the sun, soaking up the beauty of the day. It was glorious. Once again I felt whole, with not only a purpose but a means to attaining it. I spent a lot of time with my family which brought back beloved memories of childhood, as well as reminding me that they're always there no matter the situation. It's easy to forget that at the best of times, and considering I've been off doing my own thing a lot the last month or so I really did need a good reminder. I think the best thing today however was that as well as having a big think about purpose and meaning and all that jazz, I also had a good think about relationships. Now for a while, I've wanted a relationship, not with anyone in particular, I just thought it would be nice. There were a few people I had been thinking about, but none of them I really particularly liked, however I kept chasing. In the end though it just didn't feel right. It just wasn't me. When the time comes, it'll come, but until then I am perfectly happy with my love life at the moment. I really am. So overall, it was a great weekend. A little sleep deficit but I got to see a lot of my mates, hit the clubs, spend time with the family, and work a whole heap of stuff out. I must say I really do enjoy a good cathartic blog post. Now I think it is time for sleep. It's going to be a big week, I just know it. Sweet dreams lovelies.

Stolen words

It's been a long time since my last post, and a lot has been going on. I have a lot to think about right now, and no doubt that shows in the post. It's not like me, but it has to be said. It really has to be said. I am nothing but stolen words. Ideals and values procured from the facets of history, and the pages of the novels that I devour. My dreams of grandeur nothing more than romanticised expectations of what is to come. I have no real purpose. My dreams are simply suggestions that have ingrained in my small mind over the years. Stolen words. A copy, of a copy, of a copy. I wake, I eat, I work, I sleep. That is all. I feel I have lived this life a million times. That everyday is the same, and every day I feel slightly more unsettled by the drab predictability of the world that surrounds me. War. Hunger. Poverty. The monotony will never end. Stolen words. Deja vu all over again. We dreamt of being kings. We dreamt of glory, of honour and of love. But day by day we grow older, and day by day memories of boyhood dwindle, carried off by the wind. I say my life is what I make of it. I say I make my own luck. All of them, stolen words. What I would give to live free of the ever constricting grip that tightens like an anaconda around my me. I envy you brothers and sisters. Sometimes I truly do. The world is changing. Morphing into a hideous being beyond recognition. And I weep for it. I weep for us all. If only we were more than stolen words. I have failed myself. I have become all of which I once sought to destroy and despoil. My life has changed, and there is no way to return to what once was. There never is. I've hurt some people overtime, and I'm sorry. You've brought me close to the brink, but don't ever think that I'm going to give up.

I went to sleep and I woke up dead,
But I changed my mind and I want to live.