Futures

We are told that a mans future is like a single thread of string, though ours seem so complexly intertwined. So many back and forths, and i always wonder, was this meant to be? I am tired of getting caught in so many webs. All i want is to know what we are to become. I sit patiently at your feet, and you look down on me. The look in your eyes hold the answers, but i don't want to see. For the thousandth time, i feel the fool. What must you think of me? It turns out I am afraid. It is the hardest thing to admit but it is true. For how much longer will i be lost in the endless tangle? Our paths could clear, and all my efforts be for naught. With all my heart right now, I just want to hold you. I want to brush your hair, and give you my jacket in the cold. But as much as my heart can romanticize, my mind stays cold and relentless. You may be all I want right now, but as always seems to be the case, I cannot have you. Everyday my mind bombards me with questions and prompts. As you are not mine I must pursue other leads, but I refuse. When its comes down to it, I feel nothing for them. Perhaps this is the path i must take anyway, but for now I'll choose to wait. I prefer my dreams of you. One day maybe, but for now our futures don't seem to be ours to decide.

There is something inexplicable about you. It gives me such a feeling, and I am afraid where this will take me. You make me smile, you make me laugh. Few seem to be able to really bring up a sense of joy in me these days, but you do. I view myself from the outside world. I can only imagine I seem strange and brash, but what I say is true. This is quite a time of change within myself, and i have a lot to consider. Though no matter how much is on my mind, you are still up there.

I guess when it boils down to it, and all my metaphors are done with, I am afraid. And it is this fear that binds me, and keeps me from decision. I'll probably never know whether you even see me in the same light, but i had to get that off my chest. So many things seem complicated these days.