Creep

Slowly, surely, this is killing me. The constant ins and outs, the endless stream of unconscious thought. What will be my next unachievable goal? I work towards a future I potentially have no stake in and is yet to be confirmed to even exist. The grind of every day slowly asphyxiating me until my eyes fade to black, the world narrowing until all i see is the end. Every night I fall, beaten and broken putting my dark thoughts to sleep. And every morning I rise yet again, as if compelled by some unseen force to continue, but to what end? Another week? Another month? Another year? Can I really last that long? I am thrashed to within an inch of my breaking point, but it is not the work that pushes me to the edge, it is the seemingly endless path I have found myself on. And even in the height of my achievement, I am still racked with shame. The shame of wondering if I will ever achieve my full potential, if I ever will reach the point beyond which i can do nothing more. Whether I will ever reach my goals or not only time will tell, but one thing is for certain, I am being worn down. Like the mighty rock that falls under the persistent lapping of the sea wave I am being stripped of my insides. Falling away one by one, the little pieces are lost and soon forgotten. Who even remembers if they existed in the first place? Past ages remembered in a kinder light. A sickness arcs throughout my body, burning the flesh and tormenting the mind. How much longer will this madness last?

I am so tired.

So very tired.

Talent surrounds me, and I am astounded by the capabilities of my peers. Will I ever reach to their heights? Like a child crying out in the night for his mother I stand helpless in the face of the storm. All I ever did was try. I sit in a room I have no connection with, so soon will people betray loyalties to fulfill their own desires. Grotesques stalk this hall and taint its beauty. The actions of one corrupting those of a million. I don't belong here.